Last night around 4am, after over an hour of trying to soothe my poor coughing toddler back to sleep, I could feel the pain in my own throat intesifying. I knew I had stayed up too late trying to fit in some time to enjoy myself with a Saturday night rom-com as well as a touch of work. I was now paying the price of my midnight bedtime with a little one who couldn’t sleep due to coughing fits. No daddy around to help as he had left in the afternoon for a week long business trip.
It was in that moment that I made a difficult decision. One that had been waiting for me. One that I knew was coming but I had been resisting.
I decided to stop Mama Truths.
Even just typing that gives me great relief.
It is just too hard to do it all. And as a mom with huge aspirations and dreams to change the world (yes, that is on my bucket list) I really want to do it all. But I can’t. I simply don’t have the time or energy to do everything I want to do and the hardest part of that is owning up to it and letting something go. Something I care about. Something I believe in.
I believe the world needs Mama Truths. It needs all of us to be fully honest about our lives. And the real truth is we need everyone, not just mamas, to be honest. Imagine the community, the connection, the trust, the change that would happen if we all chose to be open and truthful about our lives, the good and the bad.
Because it can change your life when you realize you’re not alone.
But here I was, wanting this, wanting mamas and everyone everywhere to be truthful and yet I wasn’t being truthful with myself. Mama Truths helped me grow last year. It helped me navigate the very scary waters of post-partum depression with two little ones. But it is not what I need anymore. It has become a responsibility rather than a joy. It has become another annoying item on my to-do list. One more reason to feel like I am not doing enough.
And so, I am letting it go.
I want joy. I want space and peace in my life. I want abundance and simplicity. I cannot experience those if I am trying to do “it all”. And my guess is you can’t either.
I worry about the mamas out there trying to achieve every single one of their dreams. I worry that they don’t sleep or eat well. That they don’t have the time to gaze at their children or laugh with them. I worry that they don’t self-reflect and self-care. We live in this society where we are expected to DO all the time. Our worth is measured by our child’s extravagant birthday, our Pinterest worthy dinner and our busy mommy blog. Not to mention a career, a hobby and an active yoga practice.
Now now, don’t get too feisty. Busy-ness looks different on everyone and you might not give a damn about Pinterest but I think most of us are trying to do too much. I think most of us are exhausted. I think most of us are lacking the joy we always dreamed would accompany motherhood.
For me in my life, I’m not OK with that anymore. And so I’m changing.
There are some big things I’ve doing just in the last few weeks that have helped me immensely and so I want to share those with you:
- I am choosing my feelings. I choose joy, gratefulness, curiosity, compassion. I am choosing happiness even when I am tidying up the basket of outdoor clothes that my kid toppled over just before he headed out the door. I think to myself “I am so grateful for children in my home.” (Yes, it’s fucking cheesy the first time you do it but it really does works.)
- I have started to meditate. I’m not very good at it or anything yet but it helps. It does quiet my mind. It gives me time to breathe and relax, things that aren’t so common in the life of a type-A mama like me. I’ve been doing this through Gabrielle Bernstein’s Get More Gabby membership program. It’s beautiful and simple. I love it.
- I am cutting out sugar. Well truth be told I’m not exactly doing it YET but I have signed up for The Winter Community Dump + Un-Cleanse. This online program will give me the tools, motivation and support I need to put better food in my body so I can feel better everyday. I want to live a life of optimal joy and wellness. My body deserves it. My heart and soul deserve it. My family deserves it.
I urge you to care for yourself with a great amount of self-love as well. It is only self-love that can guide us to a more joyful existence.
And now, with both relief and sadness I say “Goodbye Mama Truths.”